I'm looking around this apartment for a cigarette so I can take a drag for inspiration before writing this blog. No, I'm not a smoker... And yes, I know there are no cigarettes in my own apartment, but I look nevertheless. It's 5:20PM. About time I open up the blinds to shed some light into this day. If I had a cigarette I'd take a drag right about now before continuing with this thought. However, a sip of sweet tea would have to do. There's a cool breeze today that makes it bearable to stand out on the balcony to think. I recently bought bamboo mats for the deck and it feels nice.


Schlagel and I are no longer seeing each other. What a surprise, right? He's a quality guy and is very good to me. He's also the one I dated the longest since I'd move back. We dated nearly two months. Actually, I have no clue how long we dated exactly. All I know is that it was good. The times we've shared together was good. He was good. Every time I take a sip from that Chicago mug he gave me makes me wonder what great partners we would have been if today was a different day, if our yesterdays never happened, and if we weren't so scarred.


Went on a few dates after and it's the same old story. Scammell and I are trying again. The times that we spend together is great. He's a total sweetheart. We had sushi for the first time at Silver Sake around the corner from his house not too long ago. It was the first time in years that I'd been to Silver Sake. The last time I was there was with Raven and Tina. Scammell and I started something we never finished a really long time ago and we thought it would do us justice if gave it another shot. Only time will tell for us, but with the way things have been for me, the odds are against us all.


I've recently had a photo shoot with photographer: Raymond Nguyen and I was very pleased with the results. Looking at these photos remind me of how much time has passed. I've gained weight, but I can work out harder at the gym. I've been breaking out recently from all the work stress, but my dermatologist can increase my dosage of Accutane. But what cannot be fixed, what cannot be reversed: time.


Almost 24 damn years old. July 12 is less than a month away. Four years ago was when I met Timineri. Four years ago I was this person full of naive. Four years ago I was full of wonder. Four years ago I was full hope. Four years ago I was full of emotions. Four years later I don't wonder much anymore. I've seen a lot. I've done a lot. I've been through a lot. Mostly with the help of my dear friend Timineri and recently throughout the past few years: Vasquez and Vining. Ugh! These ugly Latino boys with hot bodies splashing in the pool is irritating me. There... That's better. I needed to plug the laptop in anyways, I was running out of battery. Now where was I? Ahhh... Yes... I don't really hope much anymore. Everyday is monotonous. Work, home, work, home, work, home... and the occasional errands. No bars. No drinks. Rarely even Timineri. Nothing surprised me anymore. I'm even disappointed before they disappoint me. I spoke to Vasquez today and I think it's best that he doesn't visit for my birthday as planned. I do very much want him to be here, but I'm a more realistic person these days and not so restless as I once was. It wouldn't financially make sense for him and I rather him save up money, do what he has to do and then there's always another birthday... another year. I must admit, I did buy this 47" LCD TV and put a rush on the dining room set anticipating his visit. But that's ok, these are the things I'd eventually need to get anyways.


I haven't written in so long and it feels like there's so many things I need to say but my thoughts are so jumbled together. I don't know about you guys, but I'm really tired of this layout of MR.net. I want to redesign the site. I have some thoughts and ideas, but I'm working it out. I think tomorrow I'm going to work a little harder at it.


As of right now, I'm hungry and I need to make something to eat. It's very annoying without a dining table to eat on. Two more days until delivery. Good night all.