I'm sitting at Butch 'N Nellie's coffee shop on a surprisingly bright day (given the temperature drop within the past few days in Sacramento). I have my earphone wired to my ear as Pandora shuffles from song to song, to the left of me a cute boy keeps on looking in my direction and whispers about me to his fag hag thinking that I can't see him in the corner of my eye or hear him. It'd been an interesting past couple of weeks. I'll continue to give you a breakdown of what's been going on.


I decided not to continue to see Shaun. It was a good shot, but there comes a time when you just have to trust in your instincts. He's a good person. He's an extraordinary person. I just don't think he'd be a good partner for me. The times that we spend together are great, but it always feels like there's a fundamental element that's missing to sustain a basic structure of a continuous relationship. I'm always left feeling like I'm on the back burner, a second choice, or something to resort to. I spoke at an open group discussion last week about: "fear" and how we tend to "hide away" because the more we are rejected, the more we give less of ourselves away. Put two people of those kinds together; sometimes you get tragedy, sometimes they better each other. Most times it goes nowhere fast. ...And as the words started pouring out of my mouth, I thought about Shaun and I. Maybe he need to find someone who's not so much like him. Who is not also so guarded. It was a good shot.


On December 11th, my car got broken into. I woke up and walked out the door to my driveway where my car was. The window of the driver side got completely smashed. My car keys, GPS and iPod got stolen. I just want my iPod back. That was given to me by Nick with Romeo engraved on the back. Since Nick and I don't talk anymore, there's not a whole lot I have left besides a photo and that iPod. The GPS could easily be replaced, the sentimental value of the iPod can't. People disappoint me.


Skip and I have been talking more and more. We decided to actually give it a shot (no, really this time). Unlike Shaun, Skip is extremely busy with work, Holiday performances with the Gay Men Chorus and is making the time and effort to see me as opposed to saying, "I can't make any commitments" off the bat. When people say they can't make any commitments, usually it's so they aren't held responsible or feel like they're not the bad guy. I'm finding out more and more everyday that Skip is such a sweet man. I'm heading up to San Francisco on Saturday night after work to see and spend the night with Daddy Mike. Then go on a date with Skip, starting with a morning brunch.


Today, Rasheada and her family came into town from LA to see me. I will be taking them out to Mizu for dinner. I haven't seen them since I passed through on my move back to CA from NM. I miss them so much, especially the kids. I can't wait to see how big my baby Teresa is. I'll be meeting up with them around 7PM tonight.


I just got a haircut. Of course, my stylist been Noel have been doing my hair for the past four years. Business is slow for him. He gave me a tantalizing head massage when he shampooed my hair. I was all like, "OMG! Marry me!" Apparently, he got a girlfriend now. "About God damn time!" I told him.


In the meantime, I'm pretty fuckin' starved. I would need to go get some lunch soon. Although, I also need to work on some Xmas presents today too. Ugh! Holidays are always so busy.