Hey kids!


Today was awesome! I worked only a half day. It was super slow so my boss told me to come back at 5PM. Shelly and I went to get baguette and dill sauce at La Bou. Then skipped over to Jamba Juice. We headed over to her apartment to hang out and watch T.V. It was like the most boring thing in the world being off work and having to return at 5PM.


So last night Vining had the day off so I get to see him. We had a very long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long conversation about how I tried to dump Shaun and failed miserably. We talked less about Shaun, but more about the reasons behind why I did and also have been doing with all these guys. I guess the issue for me is the distance. Vining made a good point: the both of us knew that before we decided to date. Our decision to date was a joint decision, so our parting should also be a joint decision if it ever came to it. Otherwise, it would just be a one way relationship. Which does make a lot of sense. I had to explain to Vining that I'm not asking him to move. I'm not asking for anyone to really do anything besides to be open to that possibility. I guess, I'd been hurt so much. I dropped my life and moved for love... twice! It bit me in the ass. It didn't just kill me, it destroyed me. I'm always the one moving. I'm always the one sacrificing. Isn't there someone out there at least just "open" to moving for me? Is there anyone out there who's willing to sacrifice for me? Is there anyone out there who's willing to stand by his partner in any situation and make adjustments to accommodate like I would? Vining then said it really is too early to even think about those things. He then asked, "Do you think Shaun would be happy here?" My response was no. "Do you think there's anything for Shaun career-wise here?" My response was no. "Do you think you could be happy in San Francisco?" I paused... then responded yes. "Do you think your career could work out in San Francisco?" My response was yes. He reiterated what Vasquez said that people do change. I could change. The next day we could say fuck it, we're not getting any younger and move to a Italy and live out our lives. Or we could decide to shake hands and part as friends. Vining said the deciding factor shouldn't be what we want. The deciding factor should be logistics. But with given time, if we want it bad enough, then we'd make logistics work. It's that simple. These are all the things that I've taught this grown man. Almost two years ago I sat in that very spot on that sofa as he sat at his computer desk and I told him the same exact thing. Now I'm hearing my own words from him. So after that long drawn out conversation, I feel so enlightened and inspired. I'll just chill and give it time. Time apart gives me time to work on myself, have my own space, and opportunities to miss him. When we're together it'll be even better than before.


Tomorrow is my Friday and I'm so excited. I'm going to come in early so I can leave early. I'm now gonna go beat off and think about Shaun. Night kids!