I sit here in this half empty room, suit case half zipped, closet reduced to only half of my clothes and a heart that's fully ready to leave all this behind. I guess being here, I was living only half a life and I always had one foot out the door. Even though this place is not right for me, it's hard to leave the good memories I've built and the wonderful relationships I've created with these wonderful people.


Yesterday morning I woke up next to Montoya. Actually, I'm going to call him Fez from now on since I gave him that nickname due to his wet back accent. The day before we went to see Transformers. It was a good movie. In the movie, the guy kept on holding back from telling his girlfriend that he loves him until they nearly died at the end. I remember Timineri telling me many years ago, if you feel then you need to say it. I asked Fez if he agrees with Timineri. Fez agreed and said, "If you don't say it now then you might never get the chance to say it." Fez asked why I asked. I said I had that debate with Vasquez the other night about it (which wasn't a complete lie, I just left out the part that it was about him). So when we woke up, we revisited that concept. He still agrees with Timineri. I told that I love him. We held each other and talked. He did not say it in return. I did not expect him to nor did I say it looking for him to do so. I already know how he feels about me. That night he told me that he "really cares about me a lot". I stopped him and told him he doesn't need to say it. I can see it written all over his face, the way that he looks at me, the way that he kisses me , the that he grabs my hand and the way that he lets me in on a part of him that he doesn't show anyone else. I told him all that is enough for me. Everything seems to just makes sense when I'm around him. It's inevitable that I have to leave him behind, but we agreed that we need to make the best of what we have together.


I don't know what to say about Vasquez. It's hard enough to think about leaving someone so close like him behind. It pains me to part from him. For the past couple of days we haven't really hung out much. I think subconsciously somehow he's mentally bracing himself for when the day comes. He's going to throw me a Birthday BBQ/Farewell Party on my birthday July 12. All of the Breathless dancers will be there of course. I do believe Brian and Ross will be there also. I'm pretty sure Nicoleta and Joey will be there too. I'm excited for Sunday.


Tomorrow will be Timineri's birthday and I must call him to wish him a happy birthday. I wonder what he will be doing. I lose track of how old that guy is. That's the last thing about him that I care to remember. I care more for his other attributes that makes up him. Too bad I wont be there for his birthday. Amazing how two years has past since I attended his birthday BBQ for the first time. I just can't wait 'till I come back so we can make up for these lost times.


In the mean time, I'm pretty stressed out about if I'd have enough moving money and what would I be doing about my job situation (or lack thereof) if my plan for reapplying for T-Mobile when I'm physically home fails. The Director of my call center heard about my promotion predicament and he agreed that it was ridiculous that it's taking so long. He's trying to make the promotion/transfer happen before I move. He has 'till Friday. I'm praying for a miracle. But I recently realized I tend to relive the past and always worrying about the future. I need to live in the now.