Hey guys!


I hope all is well. I'm pretty exhausted (especially from not having sleep for the past couple of weeks). Today was a decent day at work I must say. I was for some reason more energized and enthusiastic than usual.


On my way home, Vasquez asked me to help him with a business project idea. We went to the park to discuss business as I was being eaten out by mosquitoes. I decided to turn it into a business dinner and went to Lin's instead. We had a good time at Lin's. Vasquez never been there before. I, of course, won't allow us to return ever again after tonight. We've fallen off the band wagon for an entire week of not going to the gym since Gay Pride. We'll be returning tomorrow at 8AM sharp before work.


There's something I'd been wanting to get off of my chest. When Vasquez first asked me to dance for him I continuously told him "No!", but he kept bugging. Those who are close to me knows why I would say, "No." After heavily considering it, I did it for him as a favor. Weeks later I continued to go-go dance for him. I didn't exactly have to, but it soon became an obsession especially when practice for Pride started. One night I nearly went postal and almost started crying because the dancers said they were too tired to practice anymore. I wanted to keep on rehearsing. Before I hit the stage for the big show, I whispered to myself: "This is for you Rob..."


For those who don't know. My good friend Rob Marshall passed away October 9, 2007.


I met Rob (who was introduced to me by Timineri). Marshall and I developed an interesting bond for a very long time. He used to call me up at 3AM nearly every morning (mostly when he was getting off work). I always asked him “Why the fuck are you calling at this hour?” He used to pause every time, for the longest minute (me hoping he would say what’s on both of our minds, but didn’t), and always would respond with “…Just to talk. I’m getting off work.” And we’d talked about random stuff until he got home or I’d fall asleep. We always were the couple that never happened. He never told me how he felt and I’m not the person that chase. I eventually partnered with someone else.


September 22, 2007 Marshall met my boyfriend at the time when we were on a night out as he was working at Depot. He was not thrilled at all when he met the boyfriend.


October 5, 2007 Marshall called me and said “I’m recruiting go-go dancers for Badlands and you’re the first person I’m calling.” My boyfriend at the time wouldn’t let me go-go so I declined.


October 7, 2007 Timineri and I was at Badlands and ran into Marshall. Marshall said “Come on you know you want to go-go dance…” I replied, “Yes, considering that I used to professionally dance, but the Mrs. won’t let me…” He laughed and said, “Your boyfriend doesn’t have to know…” I snapped at Marshall and said “I don’t keep secrets from my man …And that’s the reason why you and I are together!” He patted my shoulders and walked away. He returned at the end of the night, gave me a big and longer than usual hug and said “You take care of yourself…”


October 8, 2007 I was heading to my boyfriend’s house in West Sac after work. I stopped at a red light. The road was called Marshall Rd. I told myself I was harsh to him last night so I was going to call to say sorry. I picked up my phone, scrolled to Rob Marshall in my contact list, but the light turned green before I dialed. I put the phone down and told myself I will call him later, but never did.


October 10, 2007 I was working very late that night. I was supposed to go to Timineri’s house after work. I always stopped by Badlands or Depot to say hi to Marshall when I walk to Timineri’s house. Before my shift ended, Timineri text me to call him on my break. Timineri asked me if I heard about Rob. What was going through my mind was perhaps he got drunk and got DUI or got with some other boy. Timineri asked me to sit down as he told me Rob passed away. I completely broke down at work.


I talked to Timineri about it and I realized I need to be celebrating Marshall's life, not mourn his passing forever.