On Wednesday, I woke up early and called Inspire to see if my stylist, Chris could fit me in to get my hair did. Oh my Buddha! My hair was so long and gross, so it was a major emergency. Chris had a 1:00PM slot opened. I went for a cute short faux hawk since the warmer season is approaching. After that, I got into my car and was going to go home, but instead I made a detour and parked my car by a paint supply store. The sun was out and it was beautiful. I decided to take a long walk downtown Albuquerque, just like I used to in downtown Sacramento. I walked for about three hours. Albuquerque isn't as nice as Sacramento, but it was nice nevertheless to walk and enjoy the sun.


After my walk, I went home and pretty much just laid there and stared at my ceiling. I did get to talk to McCraw a little. I also tried taking a nap, but I couldn't sleep. I tried doing some research to see when I should be getting my NM State Tax, I guess because I moved they don't forward checks. So I might have to call them to get it sent out again. I'd been waiting for over a month for it since I filed.


Thursday, I woke up early and traveled across town to get to my dermatologist for an appointment. I was 18 minutes late, but she seen me anyways. So I guess I'll be on another month of 80MG accutane. Because accutane is prescribed by weight, it's unusual for a person my body weight to be on 80MG. After the dermatologist, I went all the way back to Rio Rancho to get my prescription filled. It was the first time I filled at that Walgreens since I recently moved back to Rio Rancho. The pharmacist asked for my iPledge ID card. iPledge ID card is usually required when filling accutane, but because my ID number is stored in the Walgreens' system, I haven't needed my iPledge card for nearly two years. The pharmacist refused to listen to what I was saying, interrupted me and was fixed on "You must have your ID no exceptions", he refused to look my account up in the system and when I demanded him to all he asked for was my birthday. After attempting to reenter in my birthday multiple times, he said I'm not even in the Walgreens' system at all. He asked if I was under a different area code, which I have no clue what the hell he was talking about. So I got pissed by now and asked what information he needed and if he needed a phone number. He then snapped at me and said "Well that's what I asked if you had a phone number." I snapped back and said, "No you been asking me for my birthday then asked if I was under a different area code which I have no fuckin' clue what you're asking for." After giving him my phone number he was able to pull up my account, but said "Nope! We don't have your iPledge number stored." Then I asked him to call my doctor for it and the asshole refused to call my doctor and told me to. So I snatched my prescription from his hand and cussed him out in public where 20 other people were behind me. I called my doctor to inform her of what has happened. She said that should have never happened and that was ridiculous. So she called the pharmacy and took care of it.


Then out of nowhere last night, I got a text message from Christopher. "I heard you might be moving back home. If you need any money like a couple hundred dollars then don't hesitate to ask." It's nice of him, but at the same time it's insulting. I told him I didn't need it. I also asked who told him I was moving back, when I have distanced myself from his friends per his request. He said that his friends log onto my blog to read often, and that he doesn't, and tells him about it. Well, at one time these "friends" were also my friends. I wonder why they no longer talk to me, not even one text message wondering how I'm doing, but logs onto my website and report back to Christopher. What I tell him should be on my terms (and I was going to eventually tell him that I was leaving). If there is anything he wants too know he should be asking me. Second, I know Christopher doesn't read my blog. I could have bet my life on that one. He hasn't for a very long time, even when we were together. He used to read it. He used to care about the things I thought about, the things I had to say, but that was a very long time ago. I wonder if I ever fell in love with him at all. Perhaps, the person I fell in love with was just a facade in the beginning; just a front, because the person he is now reminds me nothing of the person I once knew. Regardless of what it is, regardless of what happened, I need to let it go in order to move on and get to the other side. I talked to my friend Lee regarding people in general and he said, "You can't blame people for who they are..." and I immediately thought of Christopher. So I wrote Christopher a letter, and considered emailing it to him but I decided not to.


My dear Christopher,


I don't know what to say anymore except that I couldn't sleep last night because I knew that it is over between us. It is a different feeling for me, one that I never expected, but looking back, I suppose it couldn't have ended another way.


You and I were different. We came from different worlds, and yet you were the one who taught me the value of unconditional love. You showed me what it was like to care for another, and I am a better man because of it. I don't want you to forget that.


I am not bitter because of what has happened. On the contrary. I am secure in knowing that what we had was real, and I am happy we were able to come together for even a short period of time compared to a lifetime. And if, in some distant place in the future, we see each other in our new lives, I will smile at you with joy, and remember how we spent borrowed times together, learning from each other and growing in love. And maybe for a brief moment, you'll feel it too, and you'll smile back, and savor the memories we will always share together.


I love you, Christopher.
Billy