Since my last entry I'd been very focused. During my time off, I'd been focused on getting myself together. I spent a lot of time by myself like I needed to. I’d been reading a lot. I finished Nicholas Sparks' A Walk To Remember and am half way through The Notebook. At the same time, I am currently rereading George Orwell's 1984. I wonder how I went all this time denying that fact that I like to read. I'm picky and selective I suppose, but I don't know why I tell people I hate reading. I don't know why I act stupid. I don't know why I act so tough and stuck up. I don't know why I'm such a contradiction. I think it's because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of letting people see the better part of me; like the way that I skillfully craft and articulate my words into writing, the way that I verbally give life to written words, how I passionately step to the sound of music like a moving form of art, an engineer who has programmed and developed countless software and programs, a hopeless romantic that still believes in love, people, and life despite much lost, much disappointment, much betrayal. I think I don't want to be vulnerable. I guess my way of being independent and proud has gotten me nowhere.


Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of the fact that I'm 22 years old and have never leaned on any person, especially men to get by financially. I'm very proud of the fact that I have not filed for bankruptcy and doing what I need to do to avoid it. I'm very proud of the fact that I have not sold my soul, remained honest and preserved my integrity and values even through the most trialing times of my life. But I'm starting to learn that sometimes, you can't get there on your own. Because of my disposition, I've learned who my real friends are and who I want remain in my life. Talking to my best friend in the world Timineri has helped me through these hard times. Talking and getting to know McCraw definitely has been a pleasure. I do hope this continues to grow and flourish.


My supervisor has agreed to back me up and help me transfer to a Sacramento T-Mobile retail store. Maybe it's time I get out of the call center environment and expand my horizons. Maybe the universe is sending me a message and giving me a break. I will put in my application within the next two days. If I do get it, I'll be moving back sooner than I set my goal to be. All my friends and family, especially Timineri and Vining told me I can stay with them 'till I get back on my feet. I'm confident I can get this retail sales representative position. Perhaps, everything does happen for a reason.


I'll keep you all posted. Keep your fingers crossed for my homecoming!